I knew that he smoked marijuana on a daily basis. And hash when he could get his hands on it. I wasn’t really familiar with pot, I didn’t grow up around it and my friends didn’t use it. I thought it was just some sort of relaxation tool that he used after a hard day at work, you know, like someone having a glass of wine or a cocktail to unwind. And when he stopped working every day because he lost his job, I didn’t notice that he was smoking earlier and earlier every day (mostly because I was at work myself). When I got home from my job, we would have a cocktail while preparing dinner and discuss the days’ highlights. Occasionally, one drink became two.

One time, after my parents had come to visit from Florida, he told me that my mother was taking a pretty strong painkiller. I spoke to my mom about it, it was something she kept for my dad, “just in case”; he had just had major surgery. Mom wanted to know how my husband knew that she kept those pills in her travel bag. I kind of cocked my head to the side on that one too, and when I asked him, he had no explanation as to why he was in my mother’s travel bag. But he did admit to taking a couple of the pills. I still never thought anything strange was going on. I guess I didn’t want to,

My mother passed away the next year and our family doctor prescribed lorazepam for both my dad, who came to stay with us for a time, and for me. I don’t like to take medicines that make me feel loopy, so I didn’t take them, but I noticed that the contents of the bottle kept disappearing. Much later, I found that he was, not only taking the pills, but he was also taking the bottles in to have the prescription refilled as per the doctor’s instructions.

Somewhere along the way, he started having back problems. That involved trips to several doctors where we lived, but also at our vacation home. When I found a prescription bottle for hundreds of oxycodone (or oxycontin or oxy for short), I still wasn’t alarmed – he told me that he needed it for back pain. This was before oxy became known as the addict’s drug of choice – before the Rush Limbaugh fiasco.

He had been acting ‘strange” for a while, and one night he called me from the bar and said he’d had too much to drink. He wanted me to come pick him up. When I arrived in the bar, he was massaging the legs of a lady sitting at the bar, he immediately sneered in my direction, so I stayed at the other end of the bar, trying to take no notice of his blatant ignorance. Finally, he staggered over to me and asked me to drive him home. He slurred nonsense all the way home, and when we got out of the car, he fell onto the driveway. He got himself over to the door, where he had a difficult time even standing up. He couldn’t manage the doorknob, so I reached around him and opened the door for him.

He latched onto the door frame with both hands and kicked backwards at me, if he hadn’t been so drunk and high, he probably would have done more harm to me, as it was he landed three kicks to my legs and groin area. He called it the Waylon Jennings treatment. Who knows what he meant. I knew that he was so far gone, there was absolutely no point in trying to talk to him at all. I decided to leave it until the morning. I slept, what little sleep I could, in the guestroom. I was up very early the next morning, mulling over the events from the night before, and realized that I was in some very deep doo-doo.

He claimed he had absolutely no recollection, however, he did apologize profusely, and swore it would never happen again. He bought me some earrings.

Mood Swings

Living with an addict is like living on the side of a rice paddy field, you know, those terraced fields? The craziness intensifies and the violence escalates, and then it levels off, and then without warning or provocation, everything starts rising up the side of the Mountain of Crazy again. Addicts seems to thrive on “the edge”, the emotional roller-coaster seems to provide an adrenaline rush that they love, then the addict will crash and burn for a few days, while they make mental preparations to it ramp up again. It’s a sick and twisted way to live, for everyone that’s involved. While in the crash and burn phase, they seem to be sedated, however, there is a lot of irrational thinking going on inside.

Memory Blackouts

Addicts don’t always have recollections of their actions. I don’t know if it’s convenient for them to forget, or they really don’t remember. What I do know, is that after each incident, there is a deterioration of trust. From that day forward, every time you are see your addict drink or ingest drugs, you will watch like a hawk to see if “that look” comes over them. It is a place of empowerment for the addict and a place of fear for the victims.

Increased Tolerance

Addicts don’t just wake up one morning and decide to be addicts, it slips up slowly and usually, the addict doesn’t even recognize the growing behavior in themselves. It has a simple start from a cocktail or a joint on the weekend, to a few cocktails and/or joints. From drinking/smoking up on Friday night comes drinking/smoking up on Saturday night, and then on Sunday. The tolerance level goes up so the usage goes up too! If you live with someone you suspect is an addict, watch for increasing tolerance.

Secretive Behavior

Addicts become secretive in general. They don’t want you overhearing their telephone conversations. They slip away from the center of activity, inexplicably. An addict will tighten their circle of activity, not participating in activities that the addict once enjoyed, that’s when you will find them dipping into their hidden stash.

Blending the Addictions

Alcohol is so widely accepted that no one questions a person having a cocktail, but the addict knows that alcohol will help to intensify the effects of the medication. When the addiction is a “prescribed” medication, there is a tendency to look the other way, at least, that’s what the addict will try to convince you to do. Addicts will defend (or perhaps deny) the drug usage. Addicts, in an attempt to experiment and intensify, will quite often use alcohol and pain medications combined. These blends can be lethal.

Denial and Blame

Addicts also have extreme imaginations. Addicts don’t like to accept responsibility for their actions. It becomes the “Blame Game” because someone (anyone) else is the reason for the addict being forced to take the drugs. It’s always someone else’s fault. The ensuing conflict and drama caused by the drug addicts actions and behaviors will also be the fault of someone else according to the addict. The blame extends beyond the family; the addict will blame co-workers or boss for a job loss.

Living with an addict is never an easy path. Even through, (and after) rehabilitation, addiction is a life-long battle. If you suspect that your partner is fighting an addiction, try to seek professional help.